Best Sentences of the Day p2

Yeah but I’m gonna work on my paper tonight when I get sexiled from my room.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night so I’ve been up 36hrs, it’s ok tho, I just put extra makeup on.

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Lesbian Dating: Game Show

I have been home for almost 3 months now and I have not opened the dating app since I landed. Though it helped me meet people and make friends in Texas, that was out of time. I’m in real life now and I can’t bring myself to do it. It keeps sending me notifications, I think I’m at 49 likes which feels good, but I just can’t. Maybe I just feel safer holding out hope my crush might say yes or I’m just too scared I’ll end up bad relationship again or I’m just not healed up enough or I’m too picky in my old age or maybe the prospects I see don’t do anything for me. 

Enter a game show on Hulu, First Dates. There’s a British version of this show and I’ve caught a few episodes. One was a lesbian couple that made me laugh and sigh about maybe someday. 

At the start of the show, part of me kind of wanted to apply. It sounds like there’s an interview process and comparability is researched. Who wouldn’t find a blind date kinda fun and daring. Maybe something would just click.

Until I got an episode and a half in, it’s just reconfirming my hesitance.  I am over 7 months out of my last long term relationship and 8 years out of casual dating and this show just scared the bjesus out of me, sure I know it’s reality TV but damn. 

I want love, I want a family, a wife and maybe kids (even if it’s just pets), and want the cliched everything, but that apps gonna stay unopened a bit longer, I’m not ready.

And why the hell is Drew Barrymore narrating this show!!??

The Must-Dos of Pittsburgh

36 hr whirlwind

Late night at Eat n Park, up to Mt Washington, brunch at Delucca’s in the strip, the Warhol, Carnegie Science Center, Night riding at Kentwood complete with potato patch fries and the Noah’s Ark, dinner at a micro brew in the Waterfront, finally a walk in the Phipps before departure.

And that is how you show an out of town friend Pittsburgh in 36hrs!

The Kid Who Explained Up 

I was at my first drill the other day when I saw a young solder limping.

“You alright?” I asked thinking she was way too young to be so hurt.

“I wrecked my hip.” She explained as we waited for army coffee.

“In basic training?” I asked concerned. Most of the career ending injuries women take are hip injuries. A good friend of mine got hurt that way and never went back, even when healed up.

“Maybe.” She said but looked really confused by her own comment. “I went hiking around here.”

(So thats a NO to hurt in basic)

“You know when there are rocks on a mountain….” She then began to gesture in the air to indicate steep and up but felt the need to describe it, but without using any of those words.

“You went up the mountain?” I asked finally.

The look of relief on her face! This new unit should be interesting.

The List

I had a nightmare last night. It was a completely different scenario than my breakup, but it felt exactly the same. I woke up terrified. I felt betrayed by my subconscious for making me relive that again. Of course, I know it’s my guilt making me suffer. The nightmares never seem to stop, just another day waking up twisted up in my pjs, sweating, and with heart pounding.

From bed I messaged a few of my closest friends. Instantly they made it better. Laura made the best suggestion.

“Just take a few minutes and think about how you’re not there now and write a list of 10 things you’re thankful for in your life since then.”

  1. My friends – The first thing that came to mind was about 6 or 8 names of friends and family who have helped me through this, in small to massive ways. I am so grateful that I had so many people I could message and say help. And that they all did. From a year ago when I could barely speak about what was wrong, all the way to today where I’ve been heard and encouraged as I recover.
  2. My new home – My roommate makes the first bullet point too, but it’s also about a home, not just an apartment to exist in, I feel alive here. I love all the light, the sound of the trains at night, it’s nearness to a park where I run, it’s nearness to school so my morning commute is no longer a nightmare, the tiny garden I’m allowed to play in, the stoop I can people watch  from. Everything about it that makes it home.
  3. That it’s spring – Its beautiful every day, even when it’s Pittsburgh gloomy as I drive or walk or run around. It’s iris time and I am distracted in the best way. My tomatoes will mostly survive the last frost and I talk to the plants as often as I can.
  4. Upcoming vacations – I need an adventure and it’s heading my way swiftly.
  5. Being a soldier – It adds to my purpose.
  6. Music – Sometimes I forget how much I love music, but it doesn’t seem to mind. I rock out every day, dancing like an idiot as I make breakfast or encouraging my mad driving.
  7. Working out – Honestly its the most under appreciated anti depressant and helps keep my back from aching.
  8. Writing –  There is a rotted out picnic table in my backyard and on sunny days I head there, laden down with coffee, food, a cigar, my computer, and my music and just write my feelings or whatever is in my heart.
  9. Social media – Yeah I know it’s an odd one, but with people I care about all over the world, it makes the distance less painful.
  10. That I am whole – Not the mantra I was planning for this year, but I embrace it. Broken but whole.

 

The horror of the dream made me forget until I’d compiled my list that there was more to my dream. Like a shy promise, there was someone there in my dream, faceless and nameless, but I felt her like a bright sun warming my back, soothing the agony of the dream. I will take this hope as I heal and undo and focus on living with love.

Best Sentences of the Day

In 4th place – You have internal organs in there that are squishy.

In 3rd place – Will you smell this dirt on my calf, I’m not sure if it’s dirt or dog sh*t

In 2nd place – I really need to reread that book series again, I’ve yet to read it in English

And in 1st place – I need to microwave the cat litter I keep inside of my bagpipes

 

I have wonderful and unusual friends