Having been single a few months now I realized I am experiencing something I haven’t felt in a VERY long time: my first crush.
After being so very unhappy lately this is kind of amazing! I feel like I’m high, all the time!
Ok I am also completely realistic, it’s not going to happen in real life, she doesn’t think of me like that, I have no expectations that something will come out it. That said…. damn!
I can’t think of anything else. How the hell did I ever get anything done in middle school?! I hear from her and it makes my whole week. My buddies make fun of me for the stupid smile on my face when I talk to her and can tell when I’m agonizing over the right reply.
When I don’t talk to her I worry incessantly that I’ve said something too flirty and she’ll stop talking to me. I feel like such a raving idiot. The dreams, (though no more than pg-13 rated) are pretty nice too, a welcome break from the usual nightmares.
It’s an amazing bittersweet feeling. I can’t remember the last time I had just a regular, uncomplicated, crush on a beautiful woman and could sit and smile knowing my battered heart is at least in a safe place as it heals.
My friends all encourage me to ask her out but that sends me into a panic, I have been so many years away from dating, I wouldn’t know what to say or do so that tells me I have a long way to go before I’m ready to even think seriously about it, but it’s nice of them to think I even have a shot. Besides, she deserves way better than this appealing mess that makes up me!